In 1995, when I was a youthful (or so I thought) 42, I attended the annual Round Table Comedy Writers' convention in Palm Springs, California. The weekend was hosted by Gene Perret, an Emmy Award winning gag writer who was punch line deep in credentials, having written for Phyllis Diller, Carol Burnett, and the King of them all, Bob Hope.
The convention was comprised of writing workshops and competition for those of us who thought we could write funny. There were probably 40 of us in attendance, and many of us over 40.
Some of us came with a writing resume. Some were just interested and had no working background in the comedy field.
I walked away with the 1st place trophy for Individual Comedy Writing. I also walked away a little gloomy after hearing some less than hopeful straight talk about the comedy business, especially for those with some age on them.
Liz Sage is not a household name but a memorable sketch for The Carol Burnett Show was televised in millions of households throughout the country. Remember Carol's parody of "Gone With The Wind"? That was the handiwork of Liz Sage.
As one of the workshop's faculty members, Liz seasoned her presentation with sage advice on comedy writing but also cautioned us about the pitfalls of the business. One of them was nagging.
She told us that, once a typical comedy writer in Hollywood hits 40, his or her bright career will soon dim like a 15 Watt bulb in a warehouse.
"You're in there pitching television scripts to 25-year old execs," she said. "All they're thinking of is their 18 to 35 demographic. They can't imagine how you fit into the picture, creatively or otherwise."
In other words, if you're over 40, you're just not funny anymore.
The good news for comedy writers is this: the preceding statement doesn't have to be true. But if you're a writer over 40, it's up to you to prove it's not true.
Let's face it, talent cannot be denied. It can be rejected; it can be overlooked: it can, biblically speaking, be hid under a bushel basket where no one will ever see it.
But talent is talent and if your talent is to make people laugh, then some where along the way you're going to....well...make people laugh.
Now facing down television high hats is a lot like fighting City Hall. You're probably not even going to get a hearing, let alone win.
But there are plenty of venues for comedy writers outside of the TV Biz. And since it won't involve pitching scripts in person to young men and ladies in suits, no one is going to care how old you are.
I've never lived in Hollywood. I've never pitched a sitcom script. I live in Nebraska where I hold down a full time job and writing is on a freelance basis. My clients over the past 30 years have included Joan Rivers, Jay Leno, Phyllis Diller, and Yakov Smirnoff.
I write gags. Once in awhile, I've branched out and wrote radio ads and edited a comedian's book. For many years, I wrote a weekly newspaper column. But it all started with jokes. So....
Start with the basic of the basics: gag writing.
Now the word gag sounds a bit archaic, I suppose. Too Berle-esque, you might say.
But for us old-timers (by the way, if you haven't done the math, I'm 56 years old now), gag writer has a nice ring to it. Sometimes the ring sounds like this: Kaching, kaching!
Gag, joke, one-liner. Whatever suits you is fine. Just start writing them.
I'm assuming, of course, that you already know how to write a gag. But can you tailor your jokes for a particular comedian? That's an absolute must.
You wouldn't take a Bob Hope joke, for instance, and put it word for word in the mouth of Dane Cook. Of course, you wouldn't take a Bob Hope joke or anybody else's, for that matter and put it in the mouth of another comedian.
Your jokes must be original, fresh, and YOURS. Funny helps, too.
So now that you know how to write a gag and your material is original, fresh, and funny, you must find a comedian who is willing to buy your jokes. If you meet the rest of the criteria, a comic won't care if you're 150 years old.
How to get in touch with a comedian?
The famous ones are generally unreachable. Don't believe anything different.
But you don't have to start at the top. The top just happens to be a good place to end up.
There are hundreds of comics out there and they might be coming to your city or at least to a place nearby. They're called Road Comics and they spend most of the year traveling from town to town, wherever there's a comedy venue that will hire them.
They, too, want to land at the top. But this is where they start. Go see them.
Usually, these comedians will set up shop in a lobby or vestibule after their set. They will visit with anyone who stops by, sign an autograph, and they will try to sell you their CD. Buy it if necessary.
Tell the comedian that you're a writer and hand over a couple of pages of joke samples. Remember: Original, Fresh, and Yours. Be sure to include a business card.
What if they steal my material?
It happens. So what if they do? Apparently, they must think your stuff is funny. If you find out they've gone on to the next club with a few of your jokes and they've monetarily stiffed you, then at least include them on your resume.
Chances are this won't happen. If they get laughs with your jokes, they might just want to track you down and buy more.
Local organizations like the Rotary Club and the Chamber of Commerce, as well as churches and schools often hire comedians and public speakers. Watch your newspaper and find out who's appearing where. Many of these performers offer fliers that promote their engagement in advance. Generally, there will be contact information available. Whether it's a phone number or an email, go ahead and contact them. Try to arrange a meeting after the show.
You might be surprised how far you get.
Back to the famous. If you think you have top-drawer material that will make a Letterman or a Conan double over in laughter, then go for the gold.
Warning: no comedian affiliated with a television network will look at unsolicited material. They will require a release form signed by you.
Do not try to call them at the studio. Do not write them a personal letter.
What then?!!!
Use a contact. Watch the end credits of a show you are interested in or try Googling a staff breakdown. Pick a name with a promising job title, like co-executive producer or writers' assistant.
Send an engaging letter of introduction, along with your resume, via snail mail.
Do not send material. Again, they will not read it without that signed release form.
Provide a day time phone number because for them, calling you is the simplest means of communication.
Give them a couple of weeks. If you haven't heard back, try it again. Perhaps try using a different contact. Eventually, you'll snag somebody who is willing to give you a chance because somebody gave that person a chance. There really are a few nice people out there.
You might also try magazines that buy jokes or humorous pieces. Does your local newspaper have room for an occasional witty column? You won't make a lot of money, but you'll be forced to keep pumping out the funny stuff, which will make you a prolific, consistent writer.
If you are in middle age or fast approaching it, especially if you do not live in LA, then take Liz Sage's advice: if you're over 40, don't bank on a career in sitcom writing. Besides the age old problem of old age, you will encounter that Catch-22:
they won't talk to you if you don't have an agent and an agent won't handle you unless you've already sold a script.
So, stick with where you started: gag writing. Or whatever you want to call it.
Whatever you do, don't let us anyone know how old you are!
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